You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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