wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
