woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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