If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
