so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
