woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
