Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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