I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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