Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
