i wish starbucks made bloody marys
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
