I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
