How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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