i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
