I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
