Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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