My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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