.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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