she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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