I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
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Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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