it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
