Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
