I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
false alarm, still single
Randomize
