We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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