OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
