I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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