definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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