Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
