dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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