her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
