how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
