I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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