went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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