I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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