She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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