I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
