all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
