I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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