dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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