Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
