she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
