In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Less talking, more tequila
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
