you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
