you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
