we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
