think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
