i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
