Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
