doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
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I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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