mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
