Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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