I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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