i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
