you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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