you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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