U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
