i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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