i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
