also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
