he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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