So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
