I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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