Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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