I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
