take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I met the friendliest cop last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
