Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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