dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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