Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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