That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
