life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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