They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
