she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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