I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm really busy with my period
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