help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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