I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
